Bank of America put out a list of stocks to buy before earnings. This assumes you trust a bank to tell you which stocks to buy at the exact moment when those stocks are most likely to move violently in either direction based on information neither you nor the bank currently possesses.
The strategy here is bulletproof. Buy the stock. Wait three days. Watch the company miss on revenue. Watch the CFO blame supply chain headwinds. Watch your position drop 18% in after-hours trading while you sleep.
BofA analysts spent weeks building models and running scenarios to identify which companies are "best positioned" heading into their reports. Best positioned for what, they don't say. Best positioned to beat expectations they themselves set? Best positioned to survive contact with reality? Best positioned to make you feel smart for 48 hours before the rug pull?
The beautiful part is the timing. Not a month before earnings when you could build a position. Not a week after when you could see results. Right before. Maximum urgency, minimum information. It's like getting restaurant recommendations from someone who's only seen the menu.
Retail traders will read this list, pick their favorite ticker, and convince themselves they're early. They'll ignore that "best positioned heading into earnings" is just CNBC-speak for "we need you to provide exit liquidity for clients who bought this six months ago." They'll buy anyway. They'll feel like insiders. They'll check premarket at 6 AM and feel their stomach drop when they see the red.
Bank of America doesn't even have to be right. The stocks just have to move. If they go up, BofA sends out a victory lap email. If they go down, the analyst who wrote this is already working on next quarter's list, unburdened by memory or consequence.
You're not getting stock tips. You're getting a reading list for expensive lessons.
Photo by Oren Elbaz on Unsplash
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