CNBC Select has identified a category of human being who needs a financial professional to explain that credit cards can purchase sports merchandise.
This person exists. He has a job. He votes.
The article rounds up cards that offer presale ticket access, which sounds valuable until you remember presale tickets cost the same as regular tickets but require you to sit on Ticketmaster's website hitting refresh like a lab rat pressing a lever for cocaine. The reward is paying $400 to watch a regional MLB team lose on a Tuesday.
Travel rewards for away games factor heavily into the recommendations. Because nothing says fiscal responsibility like flying cross-country to watch your team's backup quarterback throw interceptions in real time instead of free on television.
The merch rewards angle deserves special attention. You are earning 2% cash back on a $90 replica jersey manufactured for $4 in a factory that has never heard of OSHA. The math works out to $1.80 back on an $86 loss, which CNBC frames as winning.
Presale access exists because teams and credit card companies realized fans will pay extra for the privilege of paying extra earlier than other people who will also pay extra. It is a toll booth built on top of another toll booth. The card issuers thank you for your loyalty.
The target demo here is a man named Kyle who owns seven hats for the same team and considers achipotle bowl a balanced meal. Kyle will read this article, apply for three cards, miss two payments, and blame the referees.
CNBC could have titled this "Best Cards for Monetizing Tribalism" but that would require self-awareness. Instead they went with best cards for sports fans, as if rooting for laundry manufactured by Nike requires a financial strategy more complex than not going broke buying that laundry.
The real presale is watching your credit score drop in real time.
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