The Dow climbed nearly 2% last week and now sits within striking distance of 53,000, a level it has never reached. This is the financial journalism equivalent of reporting that your neighbor's kid is three inches away from being tall enough to ride the roller coaster. He'll get there. Probably Wednesday.
Futures extended gains after a strong week. Extended. As if the market looked at Friday's close and thought, you know what, we didn't quite finish expressing ourselves. The S&P and Nasdaq needed the weekend to really think about their feelings and decided Monday pre-market was the right time to add a little more.
Retail traders are currently updating their portfolio screenshots for Instagram. They're convinced this is the moment. The validation. The proof they were right to ignore their wife's suggestion about index funds. They'll frame this week. They'll tell their kids about it. They'll forget they're about to give it all back on a Wednesday morning because Jerome Powell coughed during a speech.
The headline treats 53,000 like it's Everest. Like the Dow is training. Stretching. Consulting with Sherpas. It's a number. It'll print. Someone will ring a bell. CNBC will show the same graphic they've used since 2009 with different numbers. A guy in a suit will say the word milestone while fighting back a yawn.
Within striking distance. That's the phrase they went with. Striking distance. The Dow isn't a boxer. It's not stalking its prey. It's a weighted average of thirty stocks that will cross an arbitrary threshold the exact moment algos decide it should, and every idiot with a Robinhood account will think they cracked the code.
The strong week already happened. You missed it. You were checking futures.
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