Meta breached EU laws by making Instagram and Facebook addictive. Regulators spent years investigating this. They concluded that a company worth $800 billion might have intentionally designed products people would use frequently.
Groundbreaking stuff.
The preliminary findings suggest Meta deployed features that keep users scrolling. Infinite feeds. Autoplay videos. Push notifications that arrive at 2am to remind you someone you haven't spoken to in eight years posted a photo of their lunch. All of it apparently violated the Digital Services Act because it targets the "addictive" tendencies of users.
Here's what kills me. Every dipshit retail trader who bought META at $88 in November 2022 is now sitting on a double while regulators write strongly worded letters about app design. The EU will fine Meta some fraction of quarterly revenue. Meta will issue a statement about taking user wellbeing seriously. Nothing will change. The stock will dip for six hours.
Your average investor thinks this matters. They'll read the headline and panic-sell their three shares at a loss because Europe is mad about the thumbs-up button. They don't understand that regulatory theater is priced in the moment a company goes public. Meta knew this was coming. They budgeted for it between the kombucha fountain and the meditation yurts.
The funniest part? The same people clutching pearls about addictive design will check their phones forty times while reading this. They'll scroll Instagram tonight. They'll refresh Facebook tomorrow. But sure, let's pretend a preliminary finding from Brussels changes anything.
The EU banned addictive features the same way I banned carbs: with full knowledge I'd be back on the bread by Tuesday.
Photo by on Unsplash
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