Vlad Tenev went on CNBC to announce that AI agents will soon trade as well as humans. Congrats to everyone who spent years studying markets. A chatbot just matched your skill set.
The CEO of a company that turned stock trading into a slot machine now wants to automate the slot machine. This makes perfect sense. Why have humans panic-sell at a loss when an algorithm can do it in microseconds? Efficiency matters.
Tenev believes AI will reach human-level trading capability soon. He did not specify which humans. The guy who bought GameStop at $340? The woman who YOLO'd her retirement into Dogecoin? These are the benchmarks we're shooting for. The bar sits on the floor.
Robinhood built an empire on retail traders who think a red candlestick means the stock is angry. Now they want to replace those traders with AI that will execute the same dogsh*t strategies but faster and with more conviction. The AI won't even have the decency to post loss porn on Reddit afterward.
Here's what happens next. Someone builds an AI agent. It trades for three months. It loses money. The developer blames market conditions. Another AI launches. Same result. Eventually twelve different AI agents will all buy the same meme stock at the exact same time and crash the entire system. Robinhood will disable the sell button again. Nobody will be surprised.
The real innovation here is Tenev's ability to say absolutely nothing while making it sound like a technological breakthrough. AI agents matching human traders is not impressive when human traders can't match a f*cking index fund.
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