The Persian Gulf turned into a parking lot this week after Iran and the U.S. decided commercial shipping needed more drama. Ships sat stranded in the water waiting for someone to tell them whether leaving through the Strait of Hormuz meant getting blown up or just yelled at. They chose to quietly coordinate with the U.S. Navy because nothing says "I'm staying neutral in this conflict" like asking one side of the fight for directions home.
Iran and America clashed over commercial vessels. That's the headline. Two countries with a seventy-year history of hating each other got into another disagreement about who gets to threaten which boats. Shocking development. The ships stuck in the middle had no choice but to radio the U.S. Navy and whisper "Hey, is now a good time to leave, or should we wait until you guys finish measuring each other?" The Navy said yes. Iran said nothing because what are they going to do, admit they lost track of who was coordinating what?
Retail traders saw this news and immediately started Googling "How does Strait of Hormuz affect my Robinhood account?" They discovered oil prices might move. They bought crude futures. They have no idea what a future is. They think the Strait of Hormuz is a new Mediterranean restaurant in Brooklyn. They will lose money by Friday and blame Biden, Trump, or whoever their uncle posted about on Facebook.
The commercial ships coordinated quietly because loud coordination would have required admitting they were coordinating. Nobody wants that kind of transparency. Better to slip out at night with the U.S. Navy's blessing and pretend it was all just good timing. Maritime traffic returning to normal means Iran either backed down or got distracted. The Navy gets to claim victory. The ships get to leave. Everyone pretends this wasn't embarrassing for all parties.
Your portfolio remains unaffected because ships leaving a strait has nothing to do with why your tech stocks are down. But sure, blame geopolitics instead of your decision to buy Palantir at eighty-seven dollars because a podcast told you it was "the future of data."
Photo by Planet Volumes on Unsplash
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