Stock futures moved slightly upward Thursday night because SpaceX is going public Friday. The largest IPO in history. Elon Musk's rocket company hitting the Nasdaq while retail traders check their Robinhood accounts to see if they can afford more than half a share.
Here's what we know. SpaceX builds rockets. They land vertically. Very impressive. The company loses money launching satellites for the government and occasionally explodes on the pad. Perfect IPO candidate.
Wall Street spent months pricing this thing. Investment banks ran the numbers. Calculated revenue multiples. Built discounted cash flow models. Then they looked at Tesla's valuation and said f*ck it, add another fifty billion.
The prospectus lists risk factors across forty-seven pages. Regulatory uncertainty. Launch failures. Competition from China. Dependence on government contracts. None of this matters because the ticker will probably be SPCE or MARS or some shit that makes grown adults feel like they're investing in the future instead of gambling on a meme.
Retail traders already have their market orders queued. They will buy at open. They will not read the S-1. They will not check the lock-up period. They will simply purchase shares of a company that sells a product they will never use to customers they will never meet at a price determined by algorithms they will never understand.
This is the largest IPO in history. Larger than Aramco. Larger than Alibaba. A rocket company that wouldn't exist without government subsidies is now worth more than Boeing, Lockheed, and Northrop combined. The market has spoken. The market is f*cking stupid.
Futures tick higher because apparently someone needed SpaceX shares to complete their portfolio of overvalued growth stocks and vaporware. Congratulations to everyone buying tomorrow at whatever insane price the opening auction produces. You're not investing in space exploration. You're paying Elon's legal bills.
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