Taco Bell yanked lettuce from its restaurants after the CDC connected the chain to a cyclosporiasis outbreak. Analysts predict the company will recover quickly. They always do.
Cyclosporiasis gives you diarrhea for weeks. The parasite lives in fecal matter. Someone at some point in the supply chain f*cked up the basic concept of washing their hands. But Wall Street doesn't care about your intestinal distress. The stock will be fine.
Retail traders saw the news and panicked. They dumped their Yum Brands shares at a loss because they read a headline about bad lettuce. These are the same people who buy companies because they like the logo. They treat their portfolios like a Crunchwrap Supreme. Stuff it with whatever's cheap and hope it holds together.
The analysts are correct for once. Taco Bell survived the 2006 E. coli outbreak. Chipotle survived multiple norovirus incidents and still charges you extra for guacamole. Fast food chains are immune to food safety scandals because Americans have the memory of a goldfish and the standards of a raccoon.
Remove the lettuce. Issue a statement. Wait three weeks. Put the lettuce back. Repeat every decade.
The real victims here are the technical analysts who spent months drawing triangles on Yum Brands charts only to watch the lines mean nothing because someone served parasites with a side of Baja Blast. Their resistance levels didn't account for contaminated produce. Their Fibonacci retracements couldn't predict diarrhea.
Taco Bell will be fine. Your calls won't be.
Photo by Ruth Bourke on Unsplash
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