The first half of 2026 wraps next week. Investors call it memorable. They would. They call every six-month period memorable because they need you to believe something happened that required their expertise.
The view is rosy. More rosy than expected, apparently. Which means analysts expected less rosy. Which means their expectations were wrong. Which means the expectations were worthless. But please, keep reading their Q3 expectations. Those will definitely be right.
Nobody mentions what made it memorable. The summary doesn't say. The headline doesn't say. Just memorable. Like a wedding you can't remember because you blacked out, but you're told you had a great time so you smile and nod.
Technical analysis says the same thing it said in December 2025. Lines go up, lines go down, lines go sideways. Sometimes a line crosses another line and retail traders cream their jeans thinking they've unlocked the matrix. They haven't. They've unlocked a Robinhood notification that says their account is restricted.
Next week they'll close the books. Metaphorically. No one closes physical books anymore. But some 58-year-old on CNBC will say it because it sounds important and vaguely literary, like he read a Hemingway novel once in college before switching his major to communications.
Here's what's ahead: more headlines about what's ahead. More summaries about views being rosy or thorny or some other f*cking garden metaphor. More retail traders convinced that this time, this quarter, they'll beat the algos with a strategy they learned from a YouTube video filmed in a rented Lambo.
The books close next week, and when they open again in July, the pages will be blank and everyone will pretend to know what gets written next.
Photo by Larry Nalzaro on Unsplash
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