Friday brought a fresh batch of analyst calls on Nvidia, SpaceX, AMD, Broadcom, Warby Parker, Adobe, and Kratos. Wall Street's finest gathered to tell you what stocks to buy based on models that will be wrong by Monday.
Nvidia got another price target upgrade because apparently the last seventy weren't enough. SpaceX made the list despite not being publicly traded, which means someone on Wall Street really wanted to talk about Elon Musk before lunch. AMD and Broadcom got calls too, probably something about chips. Warby Parker's on here selling glasses to people who still can't see they're overpaying for frames.
Adobe made the cut. Kratos showed up, which is the defense contractor, not the God of War, though both have similar approaches to customer retention.
The beauty of analyst calls is they arrive every Friday like clockwork. Different stocks. Different analysts. Same result. Some guy with a Bloomberg terminal tells you to buy something at $150 that he'll tell you to sell at $140 in three months.
Retail traders will read every one of these calls. They'll screenshot the bullish ones. Post them in Discord servers. Argue about price targets like they mean something. Then they'll buy on Monday morning after the gap up, wondering why professional investors always seem to be one step ahead.
Here's what the analysts won't tell you: they already told their real clients yesterday. You're reading Friday's news on Friday, which in market time makes you a historian. A broke historian.
The calls will contradict each other by Tuesday. Nvidia will be both overvalued and undervalued. AMD will be a buy and a sell. Broadcom will have upside and downside. Wall Street will collect fees regardless.
But sure, trade on analyst calls. Right after you trade on horoscopes and fortune cookies.
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