Bitcoin rallied for three days. Traders called it the biggest run since 2023. Crypto stocks followed because that's what they do when the slot machine pays out.
The flagship cryptocurrency broke out of its trading range, which is technical analysis speak for "the line went up after going sideways for a while." Retail traders saw this as confirmation of their thesis. Their thesis being that number go up means they were right all along about everything.
The three-day rally happened. It was the biggest since 2023. That's roughly eighteen months ago. Eighteen months is a geological era in crypto time. It's also the exact length of time your brother-in-law spent telling you Bitcoin was going to zero before he panic-bought at the top of this move.
Breaking out of a trading range is what happens when price moves beyond the rectangle someone drew on a chart last week. The rectangle was important because a guy on Twitter with a laser-eyed profile picture said so. He has 47,000 followers. Forty-six thousand of them are bots. The other thousand are about to lose money they don't have.
Crypto stocks extended the rally because they are legally required to move in the same direction as Bitcoin, just with more violence. Someone should tell the portfolio managers at these companies that they're allowed to do other things. Build something. Hire someone. Anything besides sitting there like aETF with a press release budget.
The gains extended. The range broke. The news wrote itself. And somewhere right now a technical analyst is drawing a new rectangle, preparing to explain why the next move was obvious all along, while carefully avoiding eye contact with the rectangle he drew yesterday that called for the exact opposite.
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