Bitcoin cratered to its lowest price since 2024. This matters if you believe prices from six months ago represent some kind of historical epoch worth referencing.
The cryptocurrency fell off a cliff. Investors responded by immediately finding a stupider cliff to throw themselves off. That cliff is called HYPE ETFs.
HYPE ETFs are linked to hyperliquid platforms. Nobody knows what hyperliquid platforms are. The name sounds like a premium laxative brand. Wall Street packaged it into an ETF anyway because their entire business model is wrapping garbage in different colored wrapping paper and seeing which shade retail traders prefer.
The platforms are called "hyperliquid" because regular liquidity was too boring. Someone in a conference room decided adding "hyper" would justify higher fees. They were correct. Investors saw the word "hyper" and experienced the same dopamine hit a toddler gets from spinning in circles until they vomit.
Bitcoin holders watched their investment collapse. Their response was to abandon ship and swim toward a different ship that is also sinking but has a cooler name. This is the financial equivalent of leaving your house because it's on fire and running directly into a neighboring house that is also on fire but has better landscaping.
Wall Street created these HYPE ETFs knowing exactly what would happen. They watched bitcoin implode and thought "Perfect timing to launch a product with HYPE in the actual name." The contempt is almost admirable. They are not even trying to hide it anymore.
The hyperliquid platforms themselves are platforms for trading crypto derivatives at high leverage. So investors fleeing bitcoin's volatility chose to flee into leveraged bets on crypto volatility. This is like quitting cigarettes by switching to drinking gasoline.
The ETF providers will collect management fees until these platforms inevitably collapse. Then they will launch HYPE2 ETFs and the same investors will buy those too.
Photo by Patrick Weissenberger on Unsplash
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