Broadcom reports earnings this week. Palo Alto Networks reports earnings this week. Jobs data drops Friday. None of this matters because you're going to stare at your phone for forty hours and make the same trade you always make.
The headline calls these three things big. That's the word they went with. Big. As if Broadcom's quarterly revenue beat or miss will fundamentally alter your understanding of semiconductor demand rather than just move your poorly-timed call options further out of the money.
Palo Alto Networks sells cybersecurity software to companies that will get hacked anyway. Their earnings will beat estimates. The stock will drop six percent. CNBC will spend eleven minutes explaining why good news is actually bad news this quarter. You'll watch all eleven minutes instead of looking at a chart.
Jobs week arrives like it does every month. The number will come in at 185,000 or 215,000. Economists will have expected 200,000. Markets will move based on whether Powell might cut rates by 25 basis points in September or October, a difference that will matter approximately zero percent to your portfolio's five-year return but one hundred percent to your cortisol levels this Friday at 8:31 AM.
Here's what actually happens. Broadcom's CEO will say the word AI seven times in the first paragraph of prepared remarks. The stock will gap up or down based on whether he said it eight times last quarter. Retail traders will flood Reddit trying to explain why the move makes perfect sense in retrospect. It will not make sense. It never makes sense. The chart already told you everything three days ago when volume dried up at resistance.
Three big things. Zero new information. Same as last week, same as next week, same as every week until you f*ck off and learn to read price action instead of headlines.
Photo by Nick Chong on Unsplash
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