Abdul El-Sayed and Haley Stevens are running for Senate in Michigan's Democratic primary. One of them is a sitting congresswoman. The other one has a name that sounds like he should be selling you a really good falafel wrap at 2 AM. Both of them think you care about this race.
You don't.
Stevens has been in Congress doing whatever it is members of Congress do when they're not on television. El-Sayed has been doing whatever people do when they're preparing to run for Senate in a state where nobody knows who they are. The midterm election coverage calls this "closely watched." By whom? The candidates' immediate families? Their campaign consultants who bill by the hour?
This is Michigan's big moment. The national media descended on this primary like it's going to tell us something profound about the Democratic Party's future direction. It won't. It'll tell us which candidate's direct mail vendor did a better job targeting seniors who still answer their landlines.
Tuesday comes. Someone wins. The victor gets to spend the next six months explaining why they're different from their opponent in ways that require a focus group to detect. They'll talk about kitchen table issues. They'll mention working families seventeen times per speech. They'll pose with union guys wearing hard hats who definitely voted for Trump twice.
Retail traders are probably looking at this headline thinking it has something to do with their Tesla calls. It doesn't. Nothing has anything to do with your Tesla calls except your pathological need to lose money in new and creative ways. This is a Senate primary in Michigan, which means it affects your portfolio exactly as much as your neighbor's opinion about zoning laws.
The polls close. Ballots get counted. A winner emerges and immediately begins the process of becoming less interesting than elevator music.
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