Qantas will begin selling tickets next year for a nonstop flight from New York to Sydney. This marks the first time in human history that an airline has considered flying directly between two major cities instead of forcing passengers through a connecting hub in Los Angeles where they can spend four hours eating Panda Express.
The flight will take approximately nineteen hours. Nineteen consecutive hours in a metal tube breathing recycled farts while a child kicks your seat and someone's emotional support peacock has a nervous breakdown in row 23. But at least you won't have to change planes.
Retail traders immediately began speculating on what this means for their portfolios. Gary from Wisconsin is convinced this will somehow affect his three shares of Boeing. It will not. Gary also thinks the flight path will be visible from his living room window. Gary does not understand how altitude works.
The airline industry spent decades insisting nonstop ultra-long-haul routes were physically impossible due to fuel limitations and passenger comfort concerns. Turns out they were just waiting for the right moment to announce they'd figured out how planes work. Revolutionary stuff.
Qantas CEO Alan Joyce called this a "milestone moment for aviation." He's correct if by milestone he means charging business class passengers eleven thousand dollars to experience deep vein thrombosis in real time while watching seven Marvel movies they've already seen.
The flight will use an Airbus A350-1000. Airbus stock moved zero point three percent on the news because the market correctly identified this as completely f*cking meaningless information that will have no material impact on anything except the lumbar support requirements for flight attendants.
Someone will buy a ticket, fly this route exactly once, post about it on LinkedIn with a motivational caption about perseverance, and then go back to connecting through LAX like a normal person who values their spine.
Photo by on Unsplash
Leave a Comment