Iran fired missiles at U.S. military facilities in Kuwait and Bahrain. Trump threatened annihilation. Again. Peace talks are on hold because missiles were flying and diplomacy requires people to not be exploding.
Somewhere right now a guy with $437 in his Robinhood account is scanning his watchlist for defense contractor stocks he can't afford. He's thinking this is his moment. He's going to ride Lockheed Martin to financial freedom. He will not check that the stock already moved before he heard about it. He will buy at the top. He will hold through the reversal. He will post loss porn in three weeks and blame market manipulation.
The Strait of Hormuz got bombed. That's where a third of the world's seaborne oil passes through. Oil prices should've moved. They probably did. Then they reversed. Then algos took over and none of it mattered because by the time you read the headline the institutional money already made its trade and moved on.
Trump said annihilation. He's said it before. He'll say it again. The word has lost all meaning. It's like when your local pizza place calls itself authentic. Sure buddy. Authentic annihilation. Extra cheese.
Iran says it hit military targets. The U.S. says it hit Iranian assets first. Everyone's hitting everyone. The chart doesn't care. VIX spiked for eleven minutes. Then it didn't. Retail bought puts at the top of the fear spike and calls at the bottom of the relief rally. Both expired worthless. A tale as old as margin accounts.
Peace talks will resume when someone decides to pretend this didn't happen. Until then you can watch CNBC breathlessly cover every missile launch while the S&P drifts sideways and your portfolio bleeds theta like it's got a puncture wound.
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