An app will solve your retirement now. Not a plan. Not discipline. Not decades of compounding returns. An app. Download it and your long-term goals stay in sight, which is tech-speak for watching a number go up while you eat ramen at sixty-seven.
The article suggests planning for retirement doesn't have to be complicated. It does, though. Retirement planning is literally the most complicated financial event in your life. You're guessing how long you'll live, what inflation will do, whether your knees will explode, and if your kids will stick you in a home that smells like boiled vegetables. But sure, simplify it with software.
The app manages your money. Manages it how? Does it stop you from panic-selling during corrections? Does it slap your hand when you check your portfolio eight times a day? Does it whisper "index funds" when you're about to buy a stock because some guy on YouTube said it would moon? No. It shows you a pie chart.
Every stage of your journey gets a tool. Early stage: compound interest calculator that makes you feel poor. Middle stage: retirement calculator that makes you feel poorer. Late stage: withdrawal calculator that confirms you should've started earlier. The journey is just progressive disappointment with better graphics.
You know what works for retirement? Saving money. Not spending money. Doing that for forty years. Revolutionary stuff. But we can't monetize discipline, so we built an app that gamifies your future poverty. Swipe right to retire at seventy-three.
The best tool for retirement planning is a mirror. Look into it. Ask yourself if you're the kind of person who'll stick to a plan or the kind who needs an app to remember they'll be old someday. The app already knows the answer.
Photo by Matt Bennett on Unsplash
Leave a Comment