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Russia Promises More Explosions While Diplomats Promise More Talking


Russia has pledged to intensify strikes on Kyiv and other Ukrainian cities after a drone attack damaged the capital’s key Northern Bridge over the weekend.

  •   1 min read
Russia Promises More Explosions While Diplomats Promise More Talking

Russia announced it will intensify strikes on Ukrainian cities after a drone damaged a bridge in Kyiv. The U.S. responded by making a fresh push for peace talks. One of these strategies involves immediate physical consequences. The other involves scheduling conference calls.

The Northern Bridge took damage over the weekend. Russia called this unacceptable and vowed retaliation against infrastructure. Ukraine called Russian infrastructure strikes unacceptable and vowed retaliation. Somewhere a diplomat drafted talking points about de-escalation while both sides loaded more drones.

The timing here is perfect. Nothing says "let's negotiate" like promising to blow up more power stations. The U.S. sees this as an opportunity for dialogue. Russia sees this as an opportunity to hit water treatment facilities. Ukraine sees this as Tuesday.

Peace talks have worked flawlessly throughout this conflict. We know this because the war ended in March 2022 after that first round of negotiations. Just kidding. They've been bombing each other for over four years while diplomats perfect their stern expressions for photo opportunities.

The fresh push will presumably be different from the stale push. Perhaps they'll use a different conference room. Maybe they'll try a new font on the joint statement that nobody signs. The possibilities are endless as long as none of them involve actually stopping.

Retail traders are currently analyzing how this affects their Palantir positions. They've determined that geopolitical instability is bullish for software companies that make maps or something. One guy on Reddit calculated that every destroyed bridge adds forty cents to his call options through a mechanism he describes as "vibes-based hedging."

Russia will escalate. The U.S. will diplomatic-verb. Ukraine will repair the bridge and watch it get hit again. Traders will trade. Diplomats will meet. The Northern Bridge will become the Northern Rubble. And somewhere a peace envoy is updating his PowerPoint about mutual de-escalation commitments that expire faster than grocery store sushi.

Photo by on Unsplash

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