Stock futures are little changed. Wall Street suffered a losing week. The three major averages posted weekly losses. None of this matters because the market will do whatever it wants on Monday morning while you're panic-refreshing your Robinhood app in your Honda Civic.
Little changed is the financial media's favorite phrase for when they have absolutely nothing to report but still need to fill airtime between erectile dysfunction commercials. Futures moved seventeen basis points. A rounding error became a headline. Producers nodded solemnly and queued the dramatic countdown music.
The losing week happened. Red candles appeared on charts. Retail traders watched their accounts bleed out and immediately logged onto Reddit to ask if now is a good time to buy the dip. The answer is no. The answer is always no. But they'll do it anyway because some guy named CryptoKing420 posted a rocket emoji next to a ticker symbol.
The S&P 500 fell. The Dow Jones fell. The Nasdaq fell. Futures traders looked at this information and decided to move prices by an amount so small it requires two decimal places to detect. This is what passes for news on a Sunday night when actual humans are watching television or spending time with their families instead of monitoring pre-market activity like it's going to change their lives.
Technical analysis says none of this matters. Support levels are imaginary lines drawn by people who need to believe the chaos has rules. Resistance is just a word traders use before the stock blows through it and stops them out. Chart patterns are constellations for people who can't admit they're gambling.
Monday will open. Prices will move. Financial journalists will write about why prices moved. They will all be wrong. Tuesday will repeat this cycle until every retail trader finally accepts that futures being little changed was the market's way of saying it doesn't owe you an explanation.
Photo by Tyler Prahm on Unsplash
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