The Noise

832 posts

Sardonic takes on the headlines. Every CNBC article, stripped of the hype and served straight — no spin, just what actually happened.

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The Noise

Sep 02, 2026

Congress Discovers Calendars Work Different Than Charts

The U.S. House on Tuesday voted in favor of a short-term spending measure that would avoid a government shutdown until after November's midterm election....

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The Noise

Sep 02, 2026

Delta Bribes You With Fake Miles You'll Never Use

Compared to previous offers, these Delta card bonuses are unusually valuable. Here's how to earn up to 200,000 bonus miles or multiple flight certificates....

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The Noise

Sep 01, 2026

GoPro Discovers Cameras Don't Work, Tries Lasers Instead

Action camera maker GoPro is merging with private photonics company Starman Optical and joining the AI wave....

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The Noise

Sep 01, 2026

Big Tech Finally Learns What It's Like to Be Yahoo

The tech giants have lagged the S&P 500 92% of the time in 2026, per Barclays. Here's what has led to the cohort's lackluster performance....

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The Noise

Sep 01, 2026

Morgan Stanley Discovers Olds Don't Die Fast Enough

The aging population has been a boon to healthcare real estate investment trusts, which also pay solid dividends....

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The Noise

Sep 01, 2026

Meta Spent Billions on AI and All You Got Was This Lousy Article

Meta Platforms has become a battleground stock....

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How to Read My Charts — Indicator Legend

How to Read My Charts — Indicator Legend

Jun 21, 2026

The news is noise. The chart is all that matters.

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The Noise is free. If Phil's commentary made you laugh or think, he accepts tips. No pressure — the sarcasm was complimentary.