, August 03, 2026

The Noise

  859 posts

Sardonic takes on the headlines. No chart left unread.

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  Jul 29, 2026

SEC Asked to Investigate Premium-Tier Shitposting

Trump has frequently posted policy announcements or other newsworthy information on Truth Social that have sent global markets hurtling up or down....

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  Jul 29, 2026

Shareholders Discover Lawsuits Don't Cure Obesity Either

Investors claim Novo Nordisk misled the market about CagriSema's tolerability, after disappointing clinical trial results wiped billions off its market cap....

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  Jul 29, 2026

P&G Sells Same Amount of Stuff, Analysts Shocked This Counts as News

Procter & Gamble reported quarterly earnings per share that topped Wall Street's estimates, but its revenue fell short of expectations....

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  Jul 29, 2026

Nike Loses to Chinese Brands No One Can Pronounce

China was once Nike's fastest-growing region but the company has lost relevance among young consumers and ceded market share to smaller, domestic brands....

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  Jul 29, 2026

Rich Guy Pays Other Rich Guys to Move His Money Around

JPMorgan, Schwab, UBS and Stephens Inc. are among the firms that have managed Trump's fortune in accounts worth at least $858 million, a CNBC analysis found....

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  Jul 29, 2026

Cook Retires Into $5 Trillion of Collective Delusion

Apple just hit a $5 trillion market cap for the first time, but CEO Tim Cook still has plenty of concerns to address on his final earnings call at the helm....

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