The Supreme Court ruled that babies born on American soil get American citizenship. Trump showed up in person to watch them tell him no. He sat through oral arguments like a guy at traffic court who definitely ran the red light.
The President wanted to end birthright citizenship for children of immigrants. The 14th Amendment said otherwise. It's been saying otherwise since 1868. Trump thought maybe if he stared at the justices hard enough the words would change. They did not change.
Retail traders immediately began scanning the ruling for stock picks. Does birthright citizenship help semiconductor manufacturers? What about regional banks? Could this be bullish for companies that sell baby formula? They fired up their Discord servers to discuss whether this counts as a black swan event. It does not count as a black swan event.
The court's decision means millions of children will continue receiving citizenship automatically at birth, exactly as they have for over 150 years. Trump's order tried to rewrite constitutional law through executive action. The justices explained that presidents cannot simply delete amendments they find inconvenient. This came as news to exactly one person in the courtroom.
Day traders lost money during the hearing anyway. They always do. Some of them panic-sold healthcare stocks because they thought immigration rulings affect hospital margins. Others bought defense contractors because confusion makes them feel like they should buy something. The smart ones stayed in cash. There are no smart ones.
Trump left the courthouse without comment, which means he'll comment 40 times by morning. The Constitution remains unimpressed with his attendance record.
Photo by Fine Photographics on Unsplash
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