The Lakers sold for $12.5 billion. CNBC responded by raising their average NBA team valuation by 21 percent. The math works if you believe one transaction changes what all thirty teams are worth. Which CNBC does. Because they needed content.
The Warriors remain number one at presumably something north of $12.5 billion. They did not get sold. Their revenue did not change. Their roster got worse. But the Lakers sold high so now every franchise gets a bump in their imaginary price tag. This is financial journalism.
Some accountant at CNBC divided $12.5 billion by the Lakers and multiplied it by vibes. Now the average NBA team is worth $6.68 billion. The Pelicans did not suddenly become $1.4 billion more valuable because someone in Los Angeles has f*ck-you money and a Kobe jersey. But here we are. Valuing the Grizzlies like they just cured cancer.
Retail traders will see this headline and buy DraftKings. They will not ask why the Warriors are worth more than a team that just sold for a record price. They will not wonder if CNBC is just making up numbers to fill a slow news day. They will simply market-buy at 9:31 and blame Jerome Powell when it dumps.
The Lakers are not even the best team in Los Angeles. They are not the best team in their division. They are a legacy brand that sold for a legacy price to someone who wanted courtside seats and a tax write-off. That is the entire story. CNBC turned it into a league-wide revaluation because someone needed to justify their Bloomberg terminal subscription.
The funniest part is the Warriors staying on top. They are worth more than the team that just set the record. According to whom? CNBC. Based on what? Vibes and a spreadsheet. The Lakers just proved what someone will pay and the Warriors are somehow worth more without anyone paying it.
Next week CNBC will downgrade every team by 18 percent when nobody buys the Timberwolves.
Leave a Comment