Data breach notices in 2026 have already surpassed the entire total from 2025. Artificial intelligence is helping make this possible. Not by defending systems. By breaking into them.
Turns out the thing we trained to recognize patterns and exploit weaknesses is recognizing patterns and exploiting weaknesses. Didn't see that coming. Except everyone did. They built it anyway.
Malicious insiders are also up. Employees with access are selling you out. The call is coming from inside the building. Your coworker who microwaves fish is also stealing customer data. He contains multitudes.
Retail traders will read this headline and immediately check if there's a cybersecurity ETF they can YOLO into. There is. They will buy it after it's already up forty percent. They will hold through the correction. They will sell at a loss. They will tweet that the market is rigged.
The AI isn't even sophisticated. It's just faster than the dipshit IT guy who hasn't updated the firewall since 2023 because the VP of Operations said security upgrades weren't in the budget. That VP now has his social security number for sale on a forum that looks like it was designed in 1997. Irony is dead but the forum still uses PHP.
Companies will respond with mandatory cybersecurity training. Employees will click through it while watching Netflix. They will immediately fall for a phishing email with the subject line "You have won Billing Department."
None of this matters to your portfolio unless you work at one of these companies and your identity gets stolen. Even then it probably doesn't matter. Your credit was already bad.
Photo by David Pupăză on Unsplash
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