American Express wants you to deposit $7,500 into their checking account so they can give you $300 back. That's a 4% return. On money you already have. That you have to move. By a deadline.
The math works like this: find $7,500 in direct deposits, which means convincing your employer to reroute your paycheck or setting up some elaborate transfer scheme that technically qualifies as a direct deposit but probably doesn't. Wait ninety days. Receive $300. Congratulations, you just earned less than minimum wage for the administrative labor of changing banks.
The people who will do this fall into two categories. Category one: individuals who were already planning to open an Amex checking account and will now feel like they won something. Category two: people who will open seventeen different checking accounts this year chasing signup bonuses and will eventually forget which account contains their actual money. Both groups will spend more than $300 in opportunity cost and wasted time. Both groups will feel smart about it.
The deadline is July 30. American Express picked that date because nothing says "valuable customer relationship" like a six-week window to completely overhaul your direct deposit infrastructure. Banks love customers who make impulsive decisions based on promotional deadlines. Really inspires long-term trust.
The account has no fees, which is somehow a selling point in 2026. We've reached the stage of capitalism where not actively stealing from you counts as a benefit. The bar is so low it's a tripping hazard in hell, yet here we are, limbo dancing with the devil for three hundred bucks.
Amex will make approximately $4,000 off your deposits during those ninety days and you'll celebrate your $300 like you just stuck it to the man.
Photo by CardMapr.nl on Unsplash
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