Apple raised the price of Apple TV+ and Apple One this week. The streaming service nobody remembers they have just got more expensive. The bundle nobody asked for followed suit.
This comes after Apple jacked up Apple Music by a dollar in July. Blamed it on licensing costs. Translation: record labels wanted more money and Apple said sure, we'll just charge the guy who still uses iTunes.
Apple TV+ costs more now despite having twelve shows. Maybe thirteen if you count whatever that thing with Jennifer Aniston is. You're paying extra for the privilege of scrolling past Ted Lasso reruns to watch nothing.
Apple One bundles all the services you don't use into one higher bill. It's like a gym membership but for apps you forgot existed. iCloud storage you'll never fill. Apple Arcade games you'll never play. Apple News+ articles you'll never read. Now it costs more.
The company worth three trillion dollars needs your extra two bucks a month. Tim Cook can't make the numbers work otherwise. The licensing costs are crushing him. He's basically running a lemonade stand at this point.
Retail traders saw the news and immediately checked if this was bullish. Ran the numbers. Did the math. Higher prices times subscriber base equals more revenue. Drew a rocket ship emoji in their Discord. Called it a buying opportunity.
They're right, of course. Apple will report record services revenue next quarter. The stock will go up or down based on something completely unrelated. Currency fluctuations in Southeast Asia. A rumor about iPhone 18 camera specs. Sunspot activity.
The subscription price increase will matter for exactly zero days. Then everyone will move on to the next thing. Probably another subscription price increase from a different company. Netflix. Disney. Spotify. The rotating carousel of f*cking you two dollars at a time.
But hey, at least you'll finally get around to watching Severance season two before they raise the price again.
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