ISS Stoxx picked dividend stocks for you to buy before midterm elections. They called them cash cows. Cash cows. Like the investment thesis is udderly compelling.
The article positions midterms as a "market catalyst." A catalyst for what, exactly? Your Robinhood account losing money in a different direction? Elections happen every two years. They've happened every two years since 1788. If you're still treating them like a trading signal, you deserve whatever Fidelity statement arrives in November.
Dividend-paying stocks offer stability, they say. Stability. That's what you're chasing now. Not returns. Not alpha. Stability. You know what else offers stability? A savings account. A mattress. A hole you dig in your backyard and fill with nickels.
ISS Stoxx didn't name the stocks in the summary. They made you click. They teased the cash cows like Netflix dropping a trailer. "Coming this fall: three boring utility companies and maybe a REIT." Riveting stuff.
Here's what happened. Someone at ISS Stoxx looked at a calendar. Saw midterms coming. Ran a screen for dividend yield above 3%. Called it research. Published it. Collected a paycheck. The stocks they picked will do exactly what they would've done anyway, which is move based on interest rates and earnings, not because some congressman from Ohio kept his seat.
Retail traders will read this and think they've found edge. They'll buy the cash cows. They'll check their accounts daily. They'll watch the stocks drift sideways while collecting a quarterly dividend that barely covers the Starbucks they bought while reading the article.
The midterms will happen. The stocks will still exist. ISS Stoxx will publish another list in six months with a different reason. The reason won't matter then either.
But hey, at least you'll have stability while you're being poor.
Photo by Precondo CA on Unsplash
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