A federal jury decided Apple owes Taction Technology $5.7 billion because the iPhone vibrates. Not because it explodes. Not because it catches fire. Because it goes bzzzt when you get a text.
Two patents. Haptic feedback. The thing that makes your thumb feel a little click when you tap an emoji. Worth more than the GDP of Montenegro apparently.
Apple will appeal. Of course they will. They have 847 lawyers whose entire job is appealing verdicts like this. One of them bills $1,400 an hour to write the phrase "we respectfully disagree" in 87 different ways.
Taction Technology just became the most successful company you've never heard of. They don't make phones. They don't make watches. They make patent infringement cases. It's a hell of a business model. Sit around for a decade. Wait for someone to invent something people actually want. Sue them for $5.7 billion because you described vibrations in a PDF once.
The jury heard arguments about haptic engines and tactile interfaces and probably wanted to die. Twelve people who thought jury duty meant watching a shoplifting case got stuck learning about piezoelectric actuators instead. They awarded $5.7 billion just to make it stop.
Retail traders saw the headline and immediately started googling "what is Taction Technology stock ticker." There isn't one. The company is private. So they bought Apple puts instead. Because if you can't profit from understanding something, you can always profit from misunderstanding it faster than everyone else.
Apple's stock barely moved. Turns out $5.7 billion is a rounding error when you're worth $3 trillion. They'll pay their lawyers $200 million to reduce the verdict to $140 million in three years. Everyone wins except the people who think patent law has anything to do with innovation.
Your phone still vibrates exactly the same as it did yesterday, except now it costs $5.7 billion more in legal liability per buzz.
Photo by Dennis Brendel on Unsplash
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