DoorDash rolled out a feature that lets customers order food by taking pictures and typing prompts. The company believes Americans have finally reached the cognitive threshold where spelling "burrito" represents an insurmountable barrier to commerce.
The AI will analyze your photo. It will decode your pathetic attempt at describing what you want. Then it will complete the transaction you were apparently incapable of executing through the conventional method of scrolling and tapping a button that says "chicken sandwich."
This is the same technology that powers self-driving cars and medical diagnostics. DoorDash deployed it so you can point your phone at a magazine ad for pasta and grunt "want this" into the void. Shareholders are calling it innovation. The rest of us are calling it what happens when a civilization peaks.
The reservation booking works the same way. You can now photograph a restaurant and ask the AI to secure you a table. This saves you approximately eleven seconds compared to opening the restaurant's page and pressing "reserve." Those eleven seconds will surely be invested in something meaningful. Like photographing your next meal before you've finished eating your current one.
DoorDash stock jumped on the news. Investors love features that solve problems nobody has. They especially love features that confirm their customers need an AI intermediary to complete tasks a trained chimpanzee could handle. The company is calling this "simplification." The dictionary calls it "admitting your user base has the executive function of a goldfish with a TikTok addiction."
Here's the cleanest explanation of what just happened: DoorDash spent millions building technology that does what their app already did, except now it requires a photo and makes you feel even dumber for using it.
Photo by Marques Thomas on Unsplash
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