Iran fired missiles and drones at Kuwait on Thursday. Trump said the hostilities won't last "too long." Someone should tell the missiles.
Kuwait's army announced it was confronting the attacks. Confronting is a polite word for what happens when your airspace fills with Iranian ordnance. It's like saying you're confronting a grease fire while your kitchen burns down. The word does heavy lifting.
Trump's timeline assessment arrives with his trademark precision. "Too long" could mean three days or three decades. It's the kind of forecast that makes Jim Cramer look like Nostradamus. Retail traders are already pricing in a resolution by next Tuesday because they read "not too long" and assumed it meant their call options would print.
Here's what matters for your portfolio: nothing. Kuwait getting bombed changes exactly zero variables in your discounted cash flow model. Iran escalating tensions adds no new information to your thesis on Microsoft. Trump's commentary on Middle East conflict duration affects your retirement account the same way a butterfly in Jakarta affects the tides in Cleveland.
But every dipsh*t with a Robinhood account is now panic-selling their index funds and googling "defense stocks." They're buying Lockheed Martin at all-time highs because missiles are flying and missiles mean defense contractors make money. Flawless logic. These are the same people who bought Peloton at $160 because their neighbor got a bike.
The missiles will stop or they won't. Trump will be right or wrong. Kuwait will defend itself or it won't. None of this information helps you pick stocks. None of it predicts earnings. None of it tells you whether the company you're analyzing will generate cash flow next quarter.
The geopolitical experts are already on CNBC explaining what this means for oil prices, as if any of them predicted it yesterday.
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