Trump called Putin. Told him U.S.-Russia relations could be fully restored if the Ukraine war ends quickly. The Kremlin relayed this information because apparently we're doing diplomacy through press secretaries now.
The two leaders discussed recent visits by U.S. envoys to Moscow and Kyiv. Peace talks remain stalled. This is the geopolitical equivalent of your ex texting "we should talk" at 2am and then not responding for six weeks.
Retail traders immediately began scanning for ETFs that track vague diplomatic statements. They found twelve. Bought all of them. None of these funds contain actual exposure to peace talks or Ukraine or anything resembling a tangible asset. One is just a leveraged bet on the number of times cable news mentions the word "restored." It's down 40% since Tuesday.
The phrase "fully restored" is doing heavy lifting here. Fully restored to what, exactly? The Cold War? That time we almost had a nuclear exchange over Cuba? The part where we agreed to disagree about which oligarchs get to steal which resources? Specificity died so this headline could live.
Trump believes a swift end to the war fixes everything. Putin probably nodded along because why wouldn't he. Nodding costs nothing. Committing to a actual timeline or framework or literally any detail that could be held against you later costs everything. This is diplomacy for people who think a handshake deal means something.
The envoys visited both capitals. They spoke to people. Those people spoke back. Progress was not made but vibes were exchanged. The talks remain stalled because stalled is what happens when neither side wants to move but both sides want credit for showing up.
Somewhere in Wyoming, a guy who bought Russian bonds in 2021 just woke up from a coma, checked his portfolio, and went back under.
Photo by Gayatri Malhotra on Unsplash
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