The Los Angeles Rams invested half a decade building brand awareness in Australia. They chose a continent where the primary sports involve bats, wickets, and something called Australian rules that nobody outside Melbourne pretends to understand. Strategic thinking at its finest.
Kevin Demoff calls this week's game against San Francisco historic. He's technically correct. It's the NFL's first regular-season game in Australia. Historic in the same way your first DUI is historic. You remember it happened. You'd rather not discuss the details.
Five years of marketing groundwork. Youth clinics. Community outreach. Merchandise partnerships. All so Australians could watch Matthew Stafford throw incomplete passes sixteen time zones away from anyone who gives a sh*t about the NFC West standings.
The 49ers agreed to this arrangement too. Both franchises flying twenty hours each way to play a game that counts exactly as much as the one they could've played in Inglewood. The jet lag alone will cost someone a playoff spot. Roger Goodell calls this growth.
Demoff spent five years on this. Five years convincing Australians that American football matters. Five years explaining why the game stops every six seconds. Five years justifying why grown men wear tights and crash into each other for three hours to produce a final score of 17-13.
The Rams went 5-12 last season. They fired their defensive coordinator. They're paying Aaron Donald retirement money while he golfs in Pittsburgh. But sure, the real priority is making sure Perth understands play-action.
San Francisco will probably win by two touchdowns. The Rams will fly home with additional injuries and fewer wins. Demoff will call it a success because twelve thousand Australians bought replica jerseys they'll wear twice before forgetting which closet they shoved them in.
Five years of preparation to lose in front of a confused crowd who showed up expecting rugby.
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