The pumpkin spice latte returned to Starbucks. Financial media responded by publishing credit card guides. This makes perfect sense if you've suffered a traumatic brain injury.
Four credit cards exist that will earn you points on a seven-dollar beverage made from espresso, milk, and the dried spice cabinet of a foreclosed home. The article does not mention which cards. It does not compare their rewards rates. It does not calculate the breakeven point. It just promises that these cards are great for buying overpriced coffee drinks.
Here's the value proposition: Spend $500 on pumpkin spice lattes over three months. Earn maybe 750 rewards points. Redeem those points for $7.50 in statement credits. You just saved enough money to buy one more pumpkin spice latte. The cycle continues until your pancreas files for bankruptcy.
The headline calls PSL fans "out of their gourd." That's the kind of pun that gets workshopped in a conference room for forty-five minutes while someone named Derek insists it's clever. Derek is wrong. Derek has always been wrong. Derek's entire career is a series of puns that make readers want to delete their browser history out of shame.
Starbucks charges $6.75 for a grande PSL. That's sixteen ounces of liquid regret. You need a credit card strategy to optimize your purchase of seasonal corn syrup. This is what financial literacy looks like in 2026. This is what happens when a generation learns about money from TikTok videos and listicles.
The article assumes you're already buying these drinks. It assumes you need help monetizing your caffeine dependency. It never asks if maybe you should stop paying seven bucks for cinnamon milk. That would be actual financial advice, which means it has no place in modern financial media.
Get the card that gives you the most points per dollar spent on your seasonal beverage addiction, then use those points to buy more of the thing that required the card in the first place.
Photo by Kadarius Seegars on Unsplash
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