The Treasury Department auto-enrolled more than 60 million children in Trump Accounts without asking anyone. Parents woke up to find their toddlers suddenly invested in government savings vehicles they didn't request. The announcement came exclusively to CNBC because nothing says transparent democracy like selective financial media leaks.
Auto-enrollment. That's the move here. Bypass consent entirely and just sign up every kid with a pulse. It's the Columbia House DVD Club model applied to federal policy. Forty years from now some guy will get a letter saying he owes back taxes on compound interest from an account his parents never knew existed.
The children can't vote. Can't drive. Can't enter binding contracts. But they're locked into Treasury products now. A three-year-old eating crayons has better credit positioning than you because the government decided she needed a Trump Account. She doesn't know what money is. She thinks coins are food. But she's financially enrolled.
Treasury called this announcement exclusive. Gave it to one outlet. Created scarcity around information that affects sixty million families. That's not journalism coordination. That's a press release with delusions of grandeur.
Parents will now spend months figuring out how to access these accounts. The forms will require Social Security numbers, birth certificates, and probably a notarized letter from the child expressing investment intent. Customer service wait times will hit four hours. The hold music will be a patriotic medley. Nobody will get through.
Retail traders will see this news and somehow think it's bullish for small-cap fintech stocks. They'll buy companies that have nothing to do with Treasury accounts because the word "enrollment" sounds like growth. They'll lose money. The kids will too eventually. But at least the toddlers have an excuse for not understanding fiscal policy.
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