The former president of the United States picked up the phone and convinced the global governing body of soccer to reverse a World Cup suspension. FIFA listened. They changed their ruling. Folarin Balogun suited up for the United States against Belgium on Monday.
This happened.
Trump reportedly made contact with FIFA officials about a player who was born in New York, raised in England, played youth soccer for England, switched to represent the United States in 2023, and then got suspended for accumulating yellow cards. The suspension got overturned after the call. FIFA did not provide an explanation for the reversal that made any f*cking sense.
The same organization that spent decades pretending not to notice billions in bribes folded faster than a penny stock trader watching his life savings evaporate on a SPAC merger. FIFA has never reversed a yellow card suspension this quickly. They have also never had a former U.S. president call them about a soccer player who spent most of his career trying not to play for the United States.
Balogun played the full 90 minutes. The U.S. lost anyway.
Retail traders saw this headline and immediately started scanning for a FIFA ticker symbol so they could load up on calls before realizing FIFA is not a publicly traded company. They then pivoted to buying shares in Adidas because that is somehow how their brains work. Three separate Discord channels are currently convinced this is bullish for DraftKings.
Trump fixed a yellow card problem faster than the SEC has ever fixed anything in its entire existence.
Photo by Fauzan Saari on Unsplash
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