Jim Cramer told his Investing Club he's got next moves. Plural. The man who screams about stocks for a living has apparently formulated a sequence of decisions he intends to execute in the future. This counts as news on a Friday.
The Investing Club exists. It costs money to join. People pay that money. They receive in exchange the knowledge of what Jim Cramer plans to do before Jim Cramer does it, which is somehow supposed to help them do the opposite, or the same thing, or maybe just feel included. The value proposition remains unclear.
No specifics were disclosed about these moves. Could be buying. Could be selling. Could be holding while making aggressive hand gestures. The beauty of announcing your next moves without naming them is that every possible outcome becomes proof of genius. Stock goes up? Nailed it. Stock goes down? Already rotated out in the pre-market, weren't you listening?
Somewhere right now a guy named Derek is refreshing his brokerage app wondering if he should've bought the semiconductor dip Cramer mentioned three weeks ago or if that was already priced in by the time the segment aired. Derek will check Twitter. Derek will find seventeen conflicting opinions. Derek will buy at the top anyway because Derek doesn't understand that the house always wins and he is not the house.
The Investing Club will receive an email. The email will contain paragraphs. Derek will skim those paragraphs for ticker symbols like he's panning for gold in a sewage treatment plant.
Cramer's next moves will be revealed in due time, executed with the confidence of a man who has never once had to disclose his actual returns, and then immediately analyzed by people who somehow have even less money than they started with.
Photo by Waldemar Brandt on Unsplash
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