Jim Cramer published his monthly stock update. Identified two stocks to buy. Identified several he won't touch. The man operates a portfolio of 32 stocks which means he's managing more positions than a Wendy's shift manager but with worse consistency.
Monthly updates exist because telling people what to buy once wasn't enough failure. Now we need scheduled failure. Recurring failure. Failure as a service. Subscribe and save fifteen percent on your losses.
Two stocks made the buy list. He didn't say buy and hold. Didn't say buy and forget. Said buy. Which leaves the exit strategy somewhere between next Tuesday and whenever he remembers he recommended them. The other thirty stocks sit in various states of limbo. Not buys. Not sells. Just names occupying space on a list like participation trophies at a kids' soccer league.
The stocks he won't touch just yet are my favorite part. Just yet implies timing. Implies patience. Implies a man who has ever demonstrated the ability to wait for anything other than the commercial break to end. These are stocks in purgatory. Too risky today. Perfect next week. Depends on the lightning round schedule.
Retail traders will read this update. Screenshot it. Post it in their Discord. Debate whether two new buy recommendations constitutes bullish or bearish sentiment for a thirty-two stock portfolio. They'll calculate the percentage. Six point two five percent new buys. They'll make a pie chart. The pie chart will not help.
Thirty-two stocks is not a portfolio. It's a cry for help. It's a man who cannot say no. It's every stock idea that wandered past his desk and got a participation ribbon. Most professionals struggle to find ten good ideas a year. Cramer found thirty-two good enough ideas and scheduled a monthly call to discuss them.
The update will change before the month ends. It always does. But the traders who bought today won't get a refund.
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