The European Commission president is flying to Greenland because the former and possibly future U.S. president keeps saying he wants to buy it. This is diplomacy now. Pack a parka and pretend territorial annexation threats are normal conversation.
Trump floated this idea before. Nobody took it seriously. Then he won again and suddenly Denmark has to treat "give us your island" like a legitimate negotiating position. The EU chief is going there to do what exactly? Stand on the ice and wag a finger? Take a selfie with a polar bear while America's largest trading partner contemplates whether Greenland becomes the 51st state?
Greenland has fifty-six thousand people. It is not a growth market. It has no liquidity. You cannot day-trade sovereignty. But here we are, watching geopolitical risk analysts try to model the probability that a reality TV host annexes the world's largest island because he thinks it would look cool on a map.
The Danish territory is self-governing. It did not ask for this. It definitely did not ask for American control. Yet Trump calls it a "northern neighborhood" like he is trying to flip a fixer-upper in the Arctic Circle. The EU is now doing damage control for a problem that exists solely because one man cannot stop talking about buying things that are not for sale.
Retail traders will find a way to lose money on this. Someone will create a Greenland ETF. It will have three holdings and expense ratios higher than the island's GDP per capita. People will buy it thinking they are getting exposure to rare earth minerals. They will be getting exposure to frostbite and regret.
The EU chief boards a plane to reassure an island that it will not become American property while the rest of us watch international relations devolve into a real estate cold call that never ends.
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