Apple scheduled an event for September 9th. John Ternus will host his first product launch as CEO. The company plans to unveil iPhones, Apple Watches, and reportedly its first folding phone.
Folding phones. The technology Samsung abandoned trying to make relevant in 2019. The form factor that solved a problem no human being actually has. Apple looked at seven years of consumer indifference and said "our turn."
Ternus inherited a company worth three trillion dollars. His first move? Copy the homework from the kid who's been getting Cs. Bold leadership. Revolutionary thinking. This is what happens when you promote from within.
Retail traders will analyze every pixel of the invitation. They'll debate whether the font choice signals bullish or bearish intent. Some guy named Derek will max out his Robinhood account on 0DTE calls because the event falls on a Tuesday. Derek thinks Tuesdays are statistically significant. Derek cannot spell statistically.
The folding phone will cost $2,400. It will crease in the middle like a used roadmap. The screen will develop a permanent line after six months. Apple will call this "character." Tech journalists will call it "a bold new chapter in mobile design." You will call it what it is: a phone that breaks in a novel way.
Analysts expect strong sales. Analysts expected Netflix to hit $700 last quarter. Analysts expect their wives to believe they're working late. Expectations mean nothing.
September 9th. Mark your calendars. Watch Tim Cook's successor try to make you excited about a device that folds. The iPhone folded once before—remember the bendgate scandal? At least that was unintentional.
Photo by Hugo Agut tugal on Unsplash
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