Samar Abbas runs a company worth twelve and a half billion dollars that does something with workflows. He went on financial television to discuss AI safety. His big idea is auditing what AI agents do. Groundbreaking stuff.
Temporal raised money at a valuation higher than the GDP of several small nations. Nobody watching CNBC at six in the morning knows what the company does. The CEO knows this. He said it anyway. Something about orchestrating distributed systems. The kind of thing that makes your uncle ask if you've tried getting a real job.
Abbas thinks we should audit AI agents. Revolutionary. Like suggesting we check if the brakes work before driving off a cliff. The man gets paid to state the obvious with confidence. That's the entire job description of a CEO doing a funding round press tour.
Here's what happened. Venture capitalists gave Temporal more money than most people will see in ten lifetimes. Abbas had to go on TV and pretend the valuation makes sense. So he talked about AI safety. Because nothing says fiduciary responsibility like pivoting to whatever panic sells ads this quarter.
The retail traders watching took notes. They'll spend the weekend googling whether their Robinhood accounts can buy into Series E rounds. They cannot. They'll buy whatever AI stock pumped hardest that day instead. Then they'll complain about market manipulation when it dumps forty percent by Tuesday.
Temporal orchestrates workflows. AI agents need orchestration. Therefore Temporal is an AI company worth twelve billion dollars. This is the same logic your cousin used to explain why his NFT of a potato would appreciate. He now works at Wendy's. The potato is worth nothing.
Abbas nailed the interview. He said absolutely when discussing audits. Confidence matters more than specifics. The stock market runs on vibes and whatever the last guy on CNBC said before the closing bell.
Photo by Jonathan Kemper on Unsplash
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