The Nasdaq fell 2% on Friday. Worst week since June. Investors blamed AI stocks and oil prices because blaming two unrelated things at once makes you sound informed.
AI stocks sold off. The same AI stocks everyone said would go up forever now go down. Turns out "this time is different" works until it doesn't. Retail traders who bought Nvidia at the top are now consulting Reddit threads titled "Is This A Dip Or Am I Poor Now?"
Oil prices spiked. This matters to tech stocks because—actually, nobody knows why. Someone on CNBC said the words "macro headwinds" and everyone nodded. The correlation makes as much sense as blaming your divorce on the weather, but here we are.
The three major averages all posted losses. Dow, S&P, Nasdaq. Every index red. Diversification worked great if your strategy was to lose money in three different ways instead of one.
Technical analysts will now draw lines on charts to explain why this was obvious. The same analysts who said nothing last Thursday will post about how the resistance level at 18,347 "clearly signaled distribution." They will use the word "clearly" because saying it with confidence makes it retroactively true.
Worst week since June means we made it four whole months without a bad week. Four months. The longest bull market in human history, apparently. Everyone who bought calls on Monday is now explaining to their spouse why they understand risk management.
Friday's sell-off proves what technical analysts have known forever: prices go up until they go down, then they go down until they go up. This insight costs $5,000 per seminar. The seminar includes a PDF with colored triangles.
The AI trade got shunned. Shunned like it committed a crime against the Amish. One day you're the future of humanity, the next day you're a 2% drag on the Nasdaq because Karen in Milwaukee decided to take profits.
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