Ukrainian officials noticed their internet stopped working this week. SpaceX had cut connectivity without warning. Trump announced the White House didn't order it. Nobody asked if he did.
This is the geopolitical equivalent of your roommate saying he definitely didn't eat your leftovers before you notice they're missing. The denial arrives faster than the accusation. Preemptive innocence from a guy who hasn't held office in years. Bold strategy.
SpaceX controls Ukraine's battlefield internet through Starlink terminals. Elon Musk decides when the satellites work and when they don't. One day you're coordinating drone strikes. The next day you're staring at a loading screen like some f*cking Comcast customer in Tulsa. At least Comcast sends you an email about planned outages. SpaceX just flips the switch and lets you figure it out.
Trump felt compelled to clarify his non-involvement in a decision made by a private company during someone else's presidency. The current administration didn't comment. Trump did anyway. He saw a vacuum and filled it with words. A man cannot help what he is.
Ukrainian officials complained about the lack of advance notice. Reasonable grievance when your country is getting shelled and your communications depend on a billionaire's mood. But here's the thing about subscription services: the provider sets the terms. You're just renting bandwidth from a guy who thinks he's going to die on Mars. Maybe check the fine print next time before you base your entire military infrastructure on one man's satellite constellation.
Retail traders heard "Starlink" and "Ukraine" in the same headline and immediately started Googling which publicly traded defense contractors might benefit. Zero of them own SpaceX stock because SpaceX is private. They'll buy Lockheed Martin anyway and call it DD.
Trump's out here issuing statements about decisions he didn't make for a war he's not managing using technology he doesn't understand. That's not a press release. That's a f*cking retirement plan.
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